woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Randomize