just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
