Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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