i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
