They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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