the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
