i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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