Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
