well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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