i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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