good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
