i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
