just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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