after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
