A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
