Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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