also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
