to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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