if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
