I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
