she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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