your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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