end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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