I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
