everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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