i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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