You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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