I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
