The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
