I hate all girls vehemently.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
