you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
