Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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