i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
