this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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