my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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