Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize