new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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