Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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