i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize