Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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