Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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