Porn is love you can see.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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