Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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