Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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