we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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