Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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