Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
