ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
