the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I party with great urgency now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize