Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
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