Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you inspire me to be a worse person
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
