when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
