Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
