I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
