I love black thongs
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
