singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
