im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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