I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
