I must be too annoying 4 u.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need moral support for this bender
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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