I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
as a side note pls kill me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
