I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
being pregnant is like rehab
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
