good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
