Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
