Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
