she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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