look no pants
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize