I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize