In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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